She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize