Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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