Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
