This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
