you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
