I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize