Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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