my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
