I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
