please come you make the beer taste better
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
