they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
