I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
