this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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