there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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