I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
