He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
