omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
