woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
