Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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