I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize