i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
