bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
