Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
