Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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