I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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