I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i barfeds in our rink
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
