im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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