you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
