go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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