sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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