Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize