I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
