I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
