And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I just sharted jello shots
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
