highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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