I swear she didn't look like that last week.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
