I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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