you guys were way drunker than both of me
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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