I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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