ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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