I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
