Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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