it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
