Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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