just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
