Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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