if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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