That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
