then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
