And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
