quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
