I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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