i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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