Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
