Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
