made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
