Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
