I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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