I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
