the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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