Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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