grandma shit on top of the toilet
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
