sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
