$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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