The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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