Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
