Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
