I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
