So drunk its hurt
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
