Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize