how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
