doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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