Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
