its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
