No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
