My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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